Gone Again
by Jackson the Griffin-Breeder
Summary: Sam didn't think it could feel worse than Kelowna. But it did. Threads tag. Probably going Sam/Daniel eventually sorry, I kinda sorta lean that way :D .
1. He's gone again

Tag to _Threads_, major spoilers, and some serious sadness L.

Poor Sam, she needs a hug! Hopefully she will get one in the next chapter, eh?

She had thought she had been broken beyond repair the first time she had lost him. But no, somehow she had healed with his return. It had taken a long time, but the stitches on her very soul had finally been taken out and the scar was beginning to look like it belonged. And then this. There were no more tears to cry because they had all forced their way out of her clamed-shut eyelids and spilled all over everything she owned--it all reminded her of him. Despite having had many concussions in the past, the headache she bore was more than she could handle, and everything else hurt because of it.

There was no hope. He had to be out of luck by now, and she would never get him back. The General seemed so optimistic, but she knew he was just in denial. She would not get her hopes up just to spend the rest of her life falling apart.

She knew from experience that eventually it would stop hurting physically, and she would learn to hide the spikes of agony that pierced her heart every time she passed his office, or smelled coffee brewing, or even when she heard his assistants chatting about the last dig they had been on.

She couldn't go home and face the kitten he'd bought her a few months before after she had commented on the emptiness of her house since Schrodinger had found a home with the Tolan. She couldn't face the carpet he had helped her pick out, the fancy coffee maker he had come over to see when she had bought it online, or the piano he would play sometimes during team movie nights while they waited for Teal'c's world-famous Chicago style pizza to get out of the oven. She couldn't even face her phone-- they had often talked late into the night after one or the other had woken with the characteristic nightmares that the more warrior inclined members of the team denied.

Not that there was any part of her life he had not been a part of. Goodness, how was she supposed to live?

She sighed. Somehow, she had thought that this would get easier. But no, of course not. Of course not. Last time, she had thought she had hit the maximum point in her grief, but apparently it was possible to go further. Apparently, she could sink farther into this pain.

He wasn't coming back.

Tears appeared where she thought none could ever come again.

"Why do you keep leaving me?" she muttered angrily to an empty room. She sighed again and gave herself up to another sleepless night.


	2. Sharing grief

Well, it's not like this is the only Sam-crisis in this episode, right? Here goes crisis 2.

Thanks for y'all who reviewed! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks she needs a hug. And that it's ironic that her support system are the ones dropping out from under her.

* * *

Really? Was the universe just out to get her? Where was anybody when she needed them? Teal'c was offworld, Daniel...she didn't want to think about Daniel. And Dad? Oh, he was dying in front of her. Right in front of her, and there was nothing she could do. No science, no magic, no random left-overs from Jolinar's visit, nothing. She felt helpless, and trapped, and scared. And small. Just like she did when Mom had died. And just like then, she was blaming Dad again, only this time he was the one dying. What was she supposed to do, sit here and cry like the baby she felt like? Why wasn't there something she could try?

What was up with this?

She sighed, and a memory sprang to life..

"_Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Sometimes things happen."_

_The 6 year old Sammy had won a gold-fish at a carnival, and had awoken 2 weeks later to find him belly-up. "But Mommy! I miss my fishy already! What am I supposed to do?" she had whined, swiping the back of her hand across her face, only smearing the snot and tears further. Her mother had smiled softly. "Just count your blessings, dear one. Remember the good, and the bad will heal."_

Sam sighed again. Well, that's how she got through her mother's death. And her father's estrangement. And everything else she'd had to deal with. She snorted. Not that much had helped when Daniel had ascended. Everything good she could think of was another reason for her to miss him. The backfire of the plan had hurt even more considering the person who had given her the advice could not give any more.

Her Dad _had_ made a good point, though. She _had_ had her father for 4 extra years, 4 years she hadn't thought she would have in the first place. It really was a blessing.

Someone sat down beside her.

"How ya doin'?"-- It was the General. Her insides smiled. _Family._

She told him about her blessings, and he gave her a hug. It was all so familiar, so normal, so comforting. Then it hit her.

This time, her family wasn't going to abandon her, like they did when Mom died. Teal'c might be far away, and Daniel might be…well, she wasn't going there, but anyway…they might be gone, but part of the team, the family, was still here, and there was now way in heck he wasn't going to be there for her.

But inside the comfort, there was still worry. For Teal'c, fighting his people's battles far away, and for Daniel, who may or may not have needed it any longer. She looked up at the man she called her Commanding Officer and suddenly, she understood. He smiled a sad, understanding smile back.

They were going through the same thing. The rest of the family was missing, and neither could get them back for themselves, or for each other. That hurt -- it hurt a lot.

"Thank you, Sir."

"For what?"

"For being here for me." His eyes softened.

"Always."

She turned back to her father, dying on a hospital bed behind the glass. This was bad, this was absolutely horrible, but as long as part of her family was still here, she would be alright.

It would _all_ be alright.

* * *

Note: 'tis not the end, friends! I just thought she could use a hug _now_, instead of after all that crap with the almost getting destroyed stuffs happens. Plus, the original writers put one in, so I figured I would too :D I just love this scene, although I actually would be happier if Teal'c had been there.

Next chapter Teal'c comes home! (unless I think of some other transitional stuffs I need to put in before I get it posted tomorrow---this is hopeful, mind you!) Thanks! ~Jackson


	3. Teal'c

_**I should be relieved. **_**Sam thought. **_**Now that everything is alright, I should be Ok.**_

**But not everything was alright. Daniel was still gone.**

**And he wasn't coming back.**

**The imminent destruction of the galaxy had distracted her from her personal losses for a bit, but now they were back with a vengeance. She crossed her arms on her desk and laid her head on them, defeated. **

**What was she going to do? Was it possible to simply pull out the face the military had taught her to use for the rest of her life? **

**A rather large hand rested on her shoulder.**

**She hadn't heard him come in, and she hadn't realized she had been in that position long enough for him to enter without her noticing. She turned to face him, still leaning on her desk. "Teal'c? When did you get--"**

**The massive Jaffa scooped her out of her seat and held her up in a strong, yet comforting hug. Her surprise only lasted an instant, and she relaxed into his embrace. **_**That's more like it! **_**The grieved Colonel thought. **_**Teal'cs the best-- I'm so glad he's home. **_**"Samantha." He stated softly, emotion hanging in his deep voice. "I am much saddened by the passing of your father. You are not weak to grieve-- nor do you do so alone." She nodded into his chest and mumbled into him, "I know. I'm glad I was there with him. I'm ok now."**

**He pulled back to look at her. "You are far from OK."**

**She sighed. He saw right through her, every time. "I'm ok with Dad's death. He died peacefully, and it should have happened years ago. I'm glad I got to say goodbye, and I'm thankful for the time we had to get to know one another these last few years."**

**Teal'c nodded slowly. "The death of your father was indeed more peaceful than the death of my own." She grimaced and nodded. "Yet something bothers you."**

**She looked down, and everything made sense to him. "You mourn the loss of Daniel Jackson."**

**Her mouth turned up in a wry grin. "Yeah," she whispered. "You?"**

**The soft casual embrace turned deep and tender. "Indeed."**

**There was something about having someone so strong and intimidating identifying with what you believe to be your weakness. It was nice to have Teal'c on your side.**

**Teal'c knew his friend was not simply mourning a teammate, no matter what she said. He did not question her, or make any suggestions, but he knew. She loved Daniel, more than she was willing to admit. Possibly more than she knew. He wasn't about to ridicule what he saw that she felt -- loosing someone that close had happened enough times for him to identify with her. He was mourning Daniel also, although not quite to the depth that Sam was. **

**He would not bring her false hope as he knew O'neill would have. He meant well, but sometimes O'neill could do more harm than good. Repeatedly declaring that Daniel Jackson was soon to return was foolishness, according to Teal'c. To him and O'neill, the loss of Daniel Jackson was like the loss of a brother, and would be hard. But to Sam-- her heart was already in pieces. Teal'c would not take kindly to any one or anything who wished to break it further -- even if it was O'neill, and even if it was on accident. **

**He would have to talk to him.**

**And if Daniel Jackson did come back someday, and did not recognize the devotion written in her eyes, or if he scorned it-- it would not be acceptable. He nodded thoughtfully to himself as he cradled his beloved sister, fellow warrior, and trusted friend. **

**Enough bad had come to her. There would be no more; he simply would not allow it. **

* * *

**Note: :D I love Teal'c. He's kind of the bomb. (I dunno, I'd kind of like to have him on **_**my side…)**_

_**Anyhow, I always thought his own father's death would have impacted how he reacted to Jacob's death, and thought that it was a great oversight that his homecoming was not originally showed. Then again, it gave me room to write happy comfort moments like this without messing with cannon! Yay!**_

_**So what do y'all think?**_


	4. and he's back!

"Nope! It wasn't me!"

Time ceased.

In that one moment, hundreds of conflicting emotions battled inside her. As the General moved to greet him, and everything came together, Sam was completely lost. She had lost her father and accepted it. She had lost her Daniel, and, while not exactly accepting it, had accepted that she would never come to any peace about it. She _had_ pushed the button, after all.

And yet that was his voice- that was him, standing there, wrapped in the flag, embarrassed. He was himself, he was here, and she still felt incomplete.

It was as if her senses were ahead of her - like her computer, she needed a "restart" button to hit so she could put the new information to work.

He looked so unsure, as if he thought they would not accept him back.

As if they wouldn't! Even if the world rejected him, she would be right there by his side. _If he stays in one place long enough_. She thought. _I can't do much if he leaves_.

And then, right there at the conference table, watching her family with unseeing eyes, she realized the truth.

_I'm in love with him._

_Woah._

And there it was.

There had been so much noise in her head, and that one thought drove all out but that voice. That tiny, clear voice coming straight from the core of her very being was declaring what she had been unconsciously trying to figure out for the last couple of years. _There! There's your answer, Sam! _It said.

_Now what?_

And the flood of emotions, conflicting or otherwise, ripped through her mind with designs on reeking havoc with her soul and heart. She couldn't think, and she couldn't absorb anything. Her only thought was to get out of that room.

The top of the mountain was calling her.

She missed the confused, broken-hearted expression that crossed his face.

* * *

Note! Argh, sorry this took so long. Been helping my parents move...lotsa fun! :D Hopefully the last chapter will be done soon though.


	5. everything's all right!

Daniel stood in his office, just feeling concrete.

It was good to be back in a realm you could feel the floor under you. He smiled as he thought of his friends- they were as much "home" as this place, and these things, all tribute to memories that touched his mind as his eyes soaked it all in. Then he remembered Sam, and her disgruntled exit. _I hope she's ok._ He though, brow furrowing. _I should go find her._ He turned to head out to her office, figuring he should start there, but he didn't quite make it out the door. There was a rather large Jaffa in his way.

"Well, Hi there, Teal'c." Teal'c never came into his office without a reason.

He bowed his head. "Daniel Jackson."

Daniel's eyes acknowledged the greeting. "You need something?"

Teal'c's face softened. "Not I."

_Well that's not cryptic at all._

_Oh! _"Sam?" At Teal'c's nod, he continued, earnestly worried for his friend. "What's wrong, is she ok?"

Teal'c's usually stoic face was wrought with something…Daniel was not sure what, but the fact that his emotion was showing was enough. "I am here to inform you of the passing of Jacob Carter."

Daniel's eyes widened and his entire posture fell. Jacob had been his friend and mentor, but his personal grief would have to wait. Sam had lost her father, and he hadn't been there to comfort her. No wonder she had run away!

Teal'c noted the determined look on his friend's face and nodded again. "She has recovered quite well from the passing of her father, as it was peaceful. However, your passing was not so gentle or easy. She was hurt much by your absence. I believe it would be prudent to seek her out."

He didn't need any more coaxing, and ran out to find her. Remembering that he didn't know where she was, he turned back to Teal'c.

"I believe she will have gone to the top of the mountain."

He knew where she would be on the mountain- she had a nook she always went to when the weather cooperated and her emotions did not. She hadn't heard him walk up, revealing just how deep in thought she was. He took the rare opportunity to sum her up before approaching her.

She was amazing.

That was pretty much the sum of it, he decided. She was just the most amazing person he had ever known.

And it hit him like a sack of potatoes to the face.

He loved her.

End of story.

His breath caught in his throat and his mind stopped. He had now idea what to do next_. She'd never feel the same about me_, he thought. _Not in a million years. _

She turned to face him, and her eyes stole his heart and soul right out from under him. What was he supposed to say?

"Sam-I-Teal'c said….he said-I sorry, Sam. I wish I had been there for you."

She smiled softly and wrapped her arms around him, comforting and receiving comfort. Suddenly everything was right again, and the emotions and stress that had been building up released itself in his tears. She held him up as he cried, softly patting him on the back and pulling him closer. Through his soft sobbing, he whispered the truth- "I love you." _She has a right to know._

Her hand brushed the tears away from his face and she smiled.

And he knew, they knew.

Everything really _was_ going to be alright.

* * *

Ugh. This is not exactly how I want it, but it's as close as I can get. I might to an alternate ending sometime (If I do I'll post it on the end of this story.).

I plan on doing an epilogue, but I'm going to mark this complete, since technically it is.

If anybody has any constructive criticism, I'll take that gladly! I seek to become a better writer in all my writings, so your input is welcome!


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